


The Gay Guru

by nyicris



Series: skam drabbles [3]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, Humor, M/M, even is a snake, isak and even watching the office
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:28:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9896513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyicris/pseuds/nyicris
Summary: “Even, I’m not straight, I swear.” He turned around, although they couldn’t see each other.“I know, baby.”“It’s just that, Vilde has this thing... and I’m helping her with it. But I can’t tell you about it.”Or: Even wants to be a gay guru too, and he learnt his snaky skills from the best.





	

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by mis amandistas @miloug and @cherryacida (tw) <3333

That day Isak looked abnormally cute. Not that he wasn’t always cute, but that day he really did an amazing job.

He stood in front of Even, who was leaning his back against the lockers. One of his signature snapbacks covered Isak’s hair, and a pimple on the tip of his nose made him look like Rudolph. What really melted his heart, though, was that he had one of Even’s gigantic hoodies on. _Okay, is not that big._ Even was about to implode anyway.

“Kiss me,” He urged. Isak’s eyes met him and he could catch a glimpse of shyness in his eyes. His boyfriend checked both sides of the hallway. There were only two students in there, so he reached for Even’s hair and gave him a chaste kiss.

“More.” _More, more, more_. Isak sighed, smiled to himself and complied. Even cupped his cheeks and deepened the kiss. Soon enough they were lost in one another, oblivious to the fact that the bell had just rung and students were filling the empty corridor.

The dream was over before he could tell it. A blonde swirl grabbed his boyfriend by the arm and dragged him away from Even’s hold.

“Isak! I need to talk to you. Right. Now.” It was Vilde, her face full of worry.

“Okay.”  Isak said without hesitating.

“Okay?” Even was confused. He didn’t recall Isak referring to her as anything more than annoying-and-dumb-Vilde. Even didn’t exactly think of them as _friends._

“Okay.” His boyfriend nodded as a goodbye and followed Vilde outside.

But it was even weirder when she interlocked Isak’s fingers with hers before disappearing behind the door.

_What._

 

***

 

“Isak, I want to ask you something.” He turned his gaze to Isak, who was comfortably snuggling against Even’s side on the bed, head resting on his shoulder.

“Shut up, Jim is here– _oh my_ he kissed Pam! Have you seen that?

“I know baby, I’ve watched The Office four times.”

“THEY KISSED, EVEN.” Isak pressed a kiss to Even’s lips and then grabbed the laptop. “I’m about to throw the computer through the window!”

Even raised his eyebrows and Isak realized he was embarrassing himself.

“What is it?” He said as he placed the laptop on the floor.

“Uh –okay. Do you remember the girl you compared to a chihuahua last week?”

“Vilde?”

“Why are you holding hands with her now?”

Isak, then, went through three phases.

First, the “my-boyfriend-caught-me-red-handed” one: “I was, I was not! What the..?”

Second, the “let’s-blame-him-instead” one: “Why do you care, uh? Are you jealous?”

And the last one, “use-your-sarcasm-and-change-the-topic”: “Baby, the truth is that I can’t stand it anymore. I’m straight and I’ve been dating...” He made a sound similar to _pffffffffffffrt_ to hide his laughter. “...Vilde for two months now. I’m sorry. Also I have a math test tomorrow, so we are going to sleep now.”

Isak gave him a goodnight kiss and in a blink of an eye, the lights were off and Even was spooning him.

 

_What did just happen._

 

He tried to forget about it – It wasn’t such a big deal. Even was curious, but Isak clearly didn’t want to speak about it, and that was fine. The problem was, though, that Isak kept fidgeting under his hold.

“Isak, what-“

“Even, I’m not straight, I swear.” He turned around, although they couldn’t see each other.

“I know, baby.”

“It’s just that, Vilde has this thing... and I’m helping her with it. But I can’t tell you about it.”

“It’s okay. I’m not jealous.”

“You couldn’t be jealous even if you wanted. We are the gayest students at Nissen.”

“That’s true.” Even caressed Isak’s hair, trying to soothe him.

“Aren’t you shocked?” He kept talking, though.

“No. I trust you when you say that you are not straight. We’ve been dating for 3 months.”

“I meant about Vilde!” Isak said, sounding way too excited. “She has this huge crush on Eva. It’s embarrassing.”

Even kissed his forehead. “ _You_ ’re embarrassing. Didn’t you have a math test tomorrow?” They were in the dark, but Even could tell the exact moment his boyfriend rolled his eyes and repositioned himself against his chest.

And when Isak’s breath became steadier, Even reached for his phone.

 

***

 

Even’s favorite thing in the morning was waking up to Isak’s groans.

“Turn the fucking alarm off.”

“It’s your phone, baby.”

They began their usual routine, which started with a good morning kiss before Even jumped from the bed and went to the bathroom. Then he got dressed and by the time he was finishing preparing breakfast, Isak appeared at the kitchen door, stomach rumbling. They ate and went back to the bathroom to brush their teeth together.

“Kiss me.” Even said, mouth full of toothpaste.

“Fuck off.” Isak quickly disappeared into the bedroom. _Their usual routine_.

Even was left wondering how he found himself a boyfriend that putted up with his silly things. Then he remembered James L. Brooks’ film _As Good As it Gets,_ and how Jack Nicholson’s character, although he was the grumpiest human in New York, ended up finding love with the waitress that patiently served him every day. The script of the film was wonderfully executed, Nicholson’s character had a development arch while keeping his essenc-

“EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Isak entered the bathroom again.

“Baby you interrupted me while I was internally analyzing a film. Again.” He said before rinsing his mouth and turning around. “We should watch this one, it’s-“  He stopped in his tracks. Wow. _Wow._ Isak seemed to be really furious and was holding out his phone, iMessage open.

“Why do I have 300 messages from Vilde that go from incoherent screaming to death threats?” Even looked at the screen and used his index finger to go through the messages. ‘AUIHEWIHEIU’, ‘i asked u not to tell ANYONE especially EVEN’,  ‘going to fffffcjkf kiLL U I SWear toJFOD’, ‘ur the worst GAY GURU’, ‘IF EV A FINDS OUT IM KILLING MYSELF AND IM BLAMING U’.

“She overreacted a little. I only told her that if she needed advice I could help her better.”  Isak face-palmed. “What? _I_ seduced _you_.”

His boyfriend was silent for a few minutes, thinking.

“No sex for a month.” Isak left the bathroom again.

“Wha-?! I was only trying to help!” Even followed him. “Besides, you can’t last a month without dick."

“FUCK YOU!”

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT A DRABBLE but i got carried away
> 
> i hope you liked it <3333333
> 
> twitter: @evenismo


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